Thankful #7: Healing

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November 7th, 2017…

I am so thankful for healing.  I am so thankful that we are able to heal.  I am so thankful for the process of healing, no matter how long it takes, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually; it is possible and something to rejoice in!

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Healing…
This is a word that is hard to grasp or understand most of the time.
It sounds wonderful but seems so hard to obtain.
“Healing”…it taunts us, a deep desire, always out of reach…
 
Just like most things, true healing is a choice I’ve come to find.  It takes some form of action to really heal from physical pain, emotional hurt, mental struggles, spiritual battles; fill in the blank.  It takes an immense amount of humility and pride; humility to seek help and pride/worth that YOU are worth it…you are worth healing.  You are worth solutions.  You are worth happiness.  You are worth closure; you are worth it.
 
2017 has been a year I labeled “Healing”. I didn’t fully grasp or understand why until now, and what I’ve realized is this; God, through me, is capable of anything and everything.  No matter my personal doubts and struggles, HE is so much bigger and fully equipped to handle everything.  All I have to do is listen and take certain steps and trust in Him alone, completely.  And it is now that I finally have said “I trust you, Lord”, and let me just say…I am so excited!  True excitement where your heart is racing and you can’t stop smiling, no matter what happens next, is something I haven’t felt in too long.  The thrill of letting go and giving everything to God is like nothing else!  No matter what great experiences we can have on earth, everything with God is so much better; everything!
This is a place I never dreamed I could be in.  These realizations are things I just dreamed and thought about, but never believed I could achieve…and that’s just it…
I.  Me.  Myself.  You see, no matter the problem or desire of power, control, pride, false humility, or simple deception, I absolutely could not/cannot achieve anything!  I have lived in a world, a tiny little bubble, of self-pity, being an Eeyore, a Debby Downer, a pessimist, glass half empty, indecisive, ‘negative’ perspective on life, not believing in myself, unable to obtain true confidence in who I am and what I can do, and having faith/trust issues because of this truly heavy doubt, and often times this doubt leads to depression, and when you struggle with depression, man…you are stuck and truly believe there is no hope, no light, no way of healing or getting better, and that nothing pertaining to you matter at all.  You truly want to curl up and die.  It’s terrifying and so easy to fall into fear, anxiety, and isolation; the enemy is trying to steal your happiness, kill your hope, and destroy your faith and any positive progress in your life.
Healing.  This is a word, a concept, a reality, that I have begun to take by the reigns, no matter my fears or anxieties, no matter what doubts arise.  I know that my Lord is faithful and that my faith and trust in him can move mountains, specifically the mountains in my life that are standing in my way of moving forward.  It may be a steep climb, things may get harder, but I am ready…I am so ready!  And I am so extremely excited for life and what God has in store for me.  This is only the beginning, and I have so much room to grow, learn, change, and heal, but truly I can’t explain how very real my doubt has been.  You know what you have that thing that is just always there and sometimes seems to haunt you?  That is doubt for me.  Of course I will still struggle with it, but I am finally realizing my power, through Jesus, to confront this doubt and make positive changes to keep moving forward, no excuses, no matter what.
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Father!  Thank you for healing!  Thank you for creating our bodies that are so incredible, with the ability to heal.  Thank you for the scars that are left behind to remind us that ‘we did it’ and now we can attest and share with the world just how we succeeded.   Thank you for healing in physical ways as well as internal, mental, emotional healing.  Lord, there are times when all around us we see darkness.  We lose faith, hope, trust and the ability to see the positive side of things.  From personal struggle, every day, I’ve experienced the lowest of lows and it is scary; it hurts.  And there are people out there, God, experiencing worse battles then I may ever experience!  Thank you for your mercy!  Father, give me the perspective, your perspective, to see how little my struggles are compared to how gigantic they feel, and that the sun will come out tomorrow, this too shall pass, and these very struggles will only make me stronger.  May I be able to grasp that.  May I cling to your truth and promises of complete healing, and joy, peace, happiness, and so much more, Father.  I love you so much and cannot even begin to know how much you love me and wish for me to see the light when I fall into darkness.  Thank you for loving and caring for me so completely and so extraordinarily…it hurts to try to comprehend, but makes my heart so glad.  I pray these things in your precious name, Amen.
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Dear person reading this entry, I wish to encourage you to persevere no matter how terrifying it can be, or how alone you feel; I promise and can’t reiterate enough how much you are not alone!  Have faith!  You are capable of coming to a place of complete healing in your life, in your relationships, in yourself.  Do you want that?  Do you desire to step foot onto the water, the unknown?  Or are you comfortable sitting in your fear, doubt, anxiety and worry?  I will tell you right now, I have done that for far too long and allowed it to eat me alive.  I’ve lost opportunities, my confidence, my identity, friendship, and true passion and desire to live fully and I just want to encourage you to seek the positive changes you need to make in your life, and to call upon the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, to assist you in that decision.  Give your want to control and fix and do it all yourself because it doesn’t work that way.  Depend on Him alone, and my friend…just wait and see how amazing it will be!
Again, I am young, I have SO much to experience and learn, and I am no expert…I am just finally learning how to choose and give my struggles to God and truly completely rely on Him as I take steps forward to change and be the very best Jennifer I can be for Him and the people around me.  One step at a time.  One breath at a time.  Don’t rush…
Much love and blessings to you. ❤
Jenny~
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