Thankful #5: Loneliness

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November 5th, 2017…

I am so thankful alone time.  Being an introvert (to whatever extreme people may think), and someone who is naturally to herself, finding time to be alone with no interruptions or responsibilities or anything is something I’m truly thankful for.

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Lord, I thank you for this day, whatever it brings.  Thank you for the times where I can steal away and be alone; no one else around, no interruptions of my thoughts, no extra noise…time to think and focus and evaluate.  Father, in these times that truly I am thankful for, I ask you, Lord, to allow me to use it wisely.  May I learn to give these times a purpose and a meaning, and not to get distracted with over-thinking, social media, movies, or music.  Help me not to completely zone out unless that’s what I need, because sometimes that’s just necessary.  Lord, may I enter these moments of solitude not to isolate myself and hide, but to pursue you and your word, your truth, and to grow as an individual.  May I use these moments of loneliness, away from the world and other people, to focus on you and reevaluate my life.  To grow my relationship with you which in the end is all that matters.  I am a very relational person, as you know, and I care deeply, often too deeply, for the people in my life.  So much so, Lord, that I give up what I need and what I desire for the happiness of those around me.  Father, assist me in the art of finding balance.  Balance between helping myself and helping other, between being with people and being alone, between analyzing and over-analyzing…help me, dear Lord, to find that balance that is so very crucial.  Thank you again for this day.  I love you, Lord Jesus and pray in your holy and precious name, Amen.

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Life is interesting to say the least, and when it piles up hanging over you like a monster, it’s quite simply the easiest thing to duck and hide from the world and everything to do with it.  I do this.  I am very good at “hiding”.  My truest thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  And from this exercise (if you will), which may I add I am NOT proud of or recommending to anyone, I have learned many things.  Firstly, you lose yourself.  What you love, what you need, what you believe, what you enjoy; who you are.  It all becomes muffled and fuzzy in your mind when you hide everything.  Secondly, it’s easy to give a false reputation of yourself because how to you defend and promote who you are if you don’t confidently know?!  No matter the sincerity, if you have let yourself get buried alive under thoughts, feelings and emotions, how do you represent yourself?  And lastly, you so easily begin to doubt.  God, family, yourself, the world and the meaning of life.  This, my friend, is also called “depression”.  I can best explain it like being stuck in a viscous cycle; a never ending circle where with all your might no matter how much you want to you just cannot seem to grasp reality.  You don’t believe in who you are, how big God is, and your own strength and ability.  I could go on and on, but I’ll save that for another time…

Moral of the story, and something I am trying to learn myself, is this…do NOT hide!  No matter how easy, no matter if you’ve convinced yourself it doesn’t matter, no matter if you may hurt someone, no matter what.  The truth is it’s the hard things that make us stronger, what bothers you whether it seem small or silly MATTERS, and you will most liking end up hurting someone and yourself even more if you hide.

Whether it’s shining light in the darkness, seeking forgiveness or an apology, doing what’s right in a sticky situation, or fill in the blank, seek counsel, speak out, let go, do what’s right, never ignore your gut, and take a big deep breath…everything is going to be okay…

Jenny~

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News

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Hello Monday!  Unlike a lot of people, I love Monday.  Here are my reasons…

  1. I don’t usually work.  Whoop!
  2. I have voice lessons. ❤
  3. (If I wake up on the right side of the bed) It’s truly a day for me to try and start my week of well.

So, there you go!

Well…I may have “talked it up” a bit from yesterday about the exciting news, or interesting news, I had to share today…allow me to expound.  My sister and I did a butt-whooping workout today which we are going to be doing the next 20 days, and I am openly admitting that it near killed me!  I knew, stamina and endurance wise, I was out of shape, but I didn’t know I was THIS bad!

My stamina and endurance are really low due to not keeping up with regular cardio, and from being really sick with mono.  People think that’s an excuse.  (*Let me make something clear…I DO NOT take making or having excuses lightly!)  A long term side effect is fatigue.  In my case, of course, I got a critical case of mono a few years ago now and I have had a sort of chronic fatigue to this day.  Cardio is something I have to take at a MUCH slower pace then the average person and try not to feel discouraged about how easily I get winded.  It’s strange to me because I was a dancer and could dance all day!  I’ll tell you right now I could barely make it through a ballet class.  But my goal for this workout is to build my stamina and endurance back up!

So that was my news.  Haha! 🙂

I am currently sitting on my bed, getting ready to go to sleep, and a HUGE, we’re talking mammoth, cockroach just ran down my wall into my closet and I screamed (yes, like a little girl!), and now am looking around my room like a crazy person making sure it doesn’t pop out and surprise me.  I.  Hate.  Cockroaches.  If I don’t write tomorrow, you’ll know what happened (meaning I was jumped and eating by a monster roach).  Lord, why did you create them?  I will never understand!

Tomorrow will be a nice day full of activities.  If I don’t forget (or if I survive the night), I will post about it tomorrow!  Until then, God bless, stay awesome and enjoy your evening.

LOVE,

Jenny~

Pixie Part 2

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Welcome to part two!  Thank you for returning if you are back again, and if you stumbled across this post first, you can click here and go to Part 1!

So where did I leave you?  Ah yes…

At the growing out phase!  Duh! 🙂

Well lets jump right into to, shall we?

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So, I got it cut September 13th 2013, almost two years ago exactly, and I was so nervous!  I adore Audrey Hepburn, and my family often says that I resemble her.  Her hair was in the cutest most elegant pixie and I just wanted that so badly!  Anyway, the above picture is from the day I came home after getting it cut, and now for Part 2, I shall take you on the growing out journey…

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Two days after getting a pixie we went to the beach.  It was SO nice having a pixie at the beach because you didn’t have to do anything to your hair!  Aside from getting use to it, I really enjoyed that.

Now I will admit that a month or so after cutting my hair I started to regret it.  I think it just hit me that I didn’t have my hair anymore!  It never really occurred to me that I might feel that way, but I got over it by October/November. 🙂

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After the beach there was the idea in my head to attempt hair styling products…yeah.  The lady who cut my hair swore by using wax and mousse, etc, to style a pixie otherwise it would never be manageable, but for the life of me I couldn’t use those products!  Oh, and there’s my little friend from Part 1!

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By October it grew quite a bit!  This length is nice because you have enough hair to start styling with.

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Apparently at the time, only a month into having a pixie, I didn’t think it was short enough!  This is the shortest I ever had it and I was terrified when I came home and saw how short the back was after getting it freshened up!  But it was for the better…it grew out very nicely from here on.

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The pictures above were taken a couple days after the short cut.  I post these to show haw the sides and front of my hair grew.  A plus to getting a pixie is that your hair feels so fresh and healthy and seems to grow fast, which it did (I was getting it trimmed every week it felt like!), but at the same time it feels like forever trying to grow it!  I’m getting ahead of myself (no pun intended).

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The next few pictures will be from November 2013.

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In December it was long enough all around to curl, and I was very proud of myself for curling my own hair!  Styling, especially with heated tools, is not my forte.

Ok!  So that was the rest of 2013…lets see how it went through 2014.

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By January 2014, only 4 months with a pixie, I was determined to grow it out.  That might make you think I didn’t enjoy it, but I’ll explain my feelings about it more as the growing continues.

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February 1st: BRAIDS!  The picture above to the left was before I braided my hair (weird angle), and then to the right is the result!  Turned out pretty good!  I must say that my hair styling skills have gotten a lot better during this short hair experience.

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Nice and shaggy!

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So…in 2014 my bedroom was a MESS!  I openly admit it…horrible mess.

Ok, so I have at least one (1) picture from every month until the present day.  Call me conceited!  Call me self centered!  Call me vain!  Whatever!  It was really fun logging my pixie process and I enjoyed it and I hope you all do too!

Today I will leave you here, at the end of February 2014, and next time we’ll pick up March 2014.  Have a wonderful day!

Jenny~