A Hot Minute…

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“There are so many things to reflect on in life. This past year to date was a very interesting time for me…”

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Hello blog!! It’s been a hot minute.  The consistency of writing and sharing virtually has not been a reality in my life the last year or more, if you haven’t noticed.  But here I am, July 9th, 2018; here to share with you as I sit and reflect on recent experiences in life…

A year ago, July 2017, was a very very, what’s the word…surreal time.  Have you ever felt like you are just an empty body watching life pass by with no way to interact; like you’ve lost all ability to connect to your life, to God, to people?  Well that’s a glimpse of my state of mind a year ago.  The year before last I went through something really emotionally and mentally painful and draining and it took a full year (plus some) to see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.  I didn’t not handle well what I went through, but let me assure you that it was nothing life threatening or crazy, but simply and sadly a common pain many people have felt; it was just my first time feeling it and it hurt so badly…hmmm…

That was almost two years ago now!  Time flies guys; I don’t like how fast time passes away.  Anyway.  Last year (summer 2017) I went through a different situation, but again a very emotionally and mentally stressful and exhausting one!  Not handling the year before well, I never fully dealt with things and really clung to the pain I had gone through and therefore was just completely zeroed out!  The second time around though, I have had a better grip and perspective on the “healing process”.  Though it’s been a hard year to say the least, I have been able to focus more on the positive, on the growth and learning opportunities, and on the many reasons why God is so amazing and we shouldn’t EVER be afraid of what life throws at us; preaching to myself here because still that’s a difficult thing at times and easy to forget in the midst of a trial.

I was resistant against changing, against growth and believing in myself that I’m not
“worthless” and that I haven’t ruined my every chance at living a marvelous life.  But truly by the grace of God, the last two years have molded me and changed me and made me a young woman who finally is learning to grasp the concept that my past, my failures, my mistakes, and my pain don’t define me.  Jesus’ blood is spilled over each individual wrongdoing and impurity in my life…still learning how to fully grasp that because it’s mind blowing!

Also, I’ve realized that life is kinda about these tough experiences and how we deal with them…you go through experiences and learn, and God often uses those experiences not only to reveal Himself and help you grow, but to help other people in your life as well; so we can relate and share with people who may be going through something similar.  It’s all in how we handle what life, what God, throws at us.  We can either hold grudges, dwell over the past, ignore things, etc, or we can take a deep breath, confront and deal with the issue, and learn very valuable things that will further help us in life and help others!

The biggest thing I’ve learned out of the many things that have been revealed to me recently is that I can trust myself, I am so very capable because of Christ, I never need to be ashamed of who I am, and the things I’m afraid of are not going to kill me.  ALSO!  I have a very amazing, big, powerful, merciful, forgiving, caring, loving, mighty, gracious, faithful, reliable, honest, true, real and awesome God, and for that I am truly truly grateful.

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I write these things half holding my breath because summertime has brought some heavy loads the last few years!  My prayer is that whatever I’ve shared, even though not in complete detail, is able to help someone, to bring hope and comfort and assurance that you are not alone. ❤  No matter what…

Also, though some things above may sound dramatic or extreme, I promise nothing too crazy or horrible has happened in my life.  There are people who have suffered much more greatly!  But again, perspective is everything, and even though situations or circumstances may not be exact, the feelings and experiences mentally and emotionally or even physically and spiritually, are valid and relatable.  That’s one of the amazing gifts God has shared with us; the ability to empathize, understand, relate to, and encourage each other as we all go through life dealing with and experiencing things.

Thank you, Lord, for your mercy, grace, and faithfulness.  I have a looong way to go from here, but I am forever grateful for your great love for me!  How you see me as worthy, as righteous, I will never understand; but thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ, perfect and blameless and completely without sin, who came to give up his perfect life to take on my filth, shame, pain, sin-filled life, bore it and every other persons debts on the cross, to give each of us the opportunity to be made right before God, the reason you see us blameless and pure because you see your Son and what he bore for our sake.  Thank you for the gift of Salvation; for the Holy Spirit who dwells within those who call upon the name of Jesus!  Open our eyes and speak to our hearts, especially those who do not know you; reveal yourself to those who don’t know you.  May they realize you are the missing piece to their puzzle and the reason they are alive!  Amen.

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Thank you for reading.  Until next time…

Sincerely,

Jenny~

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Thankfulness

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Day 1 of 23 days of thanksgiving…

The next 23 days I will be giving thanks for things I am truly thankful for, and here I will share them.  It is important to realize the things we are thankful for and to remember the faithfulness of our God!  No matter what happens in opposition of what we want or think is best, He is faithful and works things out for our good.

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November 1st, 2017:

I am so thankful for God’s forgiveness!  No matter how difficult it has been to find the true humility to come to God with my sins, every day, and recognize how I’ve fallen short, every day, I know though it’s hard to fathom sometimes, that He loves me SO much and forgives me for being human, but also expects me to take the appropriate steps to recover and change and will assist me in doing so.

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Thank you, Lord, for your forgiveness!  Thank you for seeing my heart in the mire of the world around me.  Thank you for your Son who gave his very own, sinless, spotless, pure and perfect life for a very sin filled, dirty, impure and imperfect one.  Thank you for the compassion, grace, patience, love, and care you pour out on us, as well as the challenges, trials, and growth you discomfort we face to make us grow and change for the better.  Thank you for the security we have in Christ and for truth of your word and who you are!  Thank you for the plan and the path for my life; I have full faith that no matter which direction I go, you will meet me there and lead me to and from opportunities, experiences, people, places and things, and, Father, I ask that you lead me in truth, guide me in Your wisdom and knowledge, and help me on this journey to defeat my battles and change and grow to be as much like Christ as I can be and to do your will and share your love and truth with as many people as I can.  In all things I pray and ask that you protect those in my life from any way I could hurt them.  Allow me to see where I am wrong and humble admit it and seek out forgiveness where it is due.  Protect me from myself, Lord!  I can be my worst enemy.  Again, I thank you for your forgiveness; if you can forgive us then we should never be afraid of another persons ability or inability to forgive.  May we humble ourselves, love others, and strive to be more like you ever moment.  I love you, Father, and pray in Jesus name, Amen.

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UPDATE: Hello blog!  Long time no write, right?!  As always, my intentions are pure when it comes to composing blog posts and sharing life on this virtual platform, but that also takes brain power and time; two things I have not had enough discipline with.  Time management I’ve found is not an easy trait I have developed, and my brain has been very overwhelmed lately with life and quite honestly the thought of adding anything extra to have to think about hurts my brain, so!

Having this blog it has been a place for me to simply unload and just write and share things.  It has been a resource for myself mainly, not an outlet for many other to find and use.  I’ve used this blog as an outlet for documenting and discovering things about myself and life and I appreciate those who have followed along; thank you.

This year (which I cannot believe is almost over and do NOT look forward to getting any older if time passes any faster then this year has!) has been very interesting and very taxing and very emotional and very stretching.  I have learned so much about so many things, and I have SO MUCH ROOM TO GROW!!!  I’ve truly begun to learn that you never stop growing and learning and discovering, and it is a sad day if you ever get to the point where you think you’ve “got it all figured out”, because quite frankly my dear, you never truly will.  Even the very depth of your being you will most likely never fully grasp (which is why I am SO thankful God knows every inch of me and I can put complete trust in Him).  It is mind boggling, aggravating, and amazing how it all works.  Mind boggling at how vast, deep and wide life is and how small we are.  Aggravating for an analytical perfectionist like myself who wants all the answers and how to’s and doesn’t like to mess up.  Amazing that there is a God, the creator of heaven and earth, who knows everything and we truly do not have reason to fear, doubt, worry, or dwell on the past or future, even though that is what we do!  That is our flesh, fallen, human instinct and struggle.  Yo, the struggle is real!!

I encourage you hopefully by anything I’ve shared today, but mainly to seek out time to go to God this month leading up to Thanksgiving (appropriate, I know) and thank Him for all He has done!  For the sun and the moon, friends, family, books, food; whatever means something to you.  Dig deep and spend time in thanksgiving.

Also, I want to say with all that’s going on in my “battlefield of the mind” so to speak, that I am growing , learning and finally taking those steps to get out of my comfort and just be.  Just be present, honest, kind, true, loving, genuine, serious, emotional, excited for life, wise, decisive, positive, joyful in the Lord, encouraging, helpful, purposeful, and other things; one step at a time.  AND that it’s okay to move slow and take things one step at a time and that I will experience many uncomfortable things if I desire to grow and move forward, etc, so *gulp*, here I am, Lord.  I am yours. ❤

Blessings to you,

Jenny~